Round 6 - Here we go

I had a lovely time in Copenhagen,  if you eliminate all the stress of waiting for ovulation and trying to get there, of course.  I was beginning to wonder if ovulation was ever going to occur.  Finally, on the evening of Day 11 it happened -  I suppose this is when women on a 28 day cycle normally get ovulation so this time Clomid balanced me rather than making me ovulate extra early.  Cue crazy booking of flights and the Wakeup Hotel. 

I arrived around 12pm and Dr Svend ushered me in for an ultrasound.  I was lucky enough to see 3 nicely maturing follicles, two on the right and one on the left.  My left ovary usually hides from the scanner, so I was pleased to see it in action.  Each one was around 18mm, so Dr Svend booked me in for an insemination the next day at 10.15.  This was also strange for me, as I always have it done the day I arrive and certainly before, what would by then be, Day 13.  To be honest, I was glad as I was exhausted from getting up at 4am.  I went back to the hotel and crashed out for a few hours.

As luck would have it a friend of mine was in Copenhagen on business so we had a lovely, 3 course, evening meal on Nyhaven Harbour.  It was so nice to be with someone you know well and it occurred to me how lonely a trip this can often be. You don't really feel like a tourist because, after all, you're not. I  laugh inwardly when a Danish person asks me if I'm on holiday and what I'm doing in Copenhagen.  I always say 'I'm visiting', but what I'm thinking is 'I'm here for a shot of your country's finest sperm.'  Actually, what I am is a fertility tourist.

The insemination was over in a less than a minute and then I enjoyed a 45 minute acupuncture session with the clinic's resident acupuncturist.  It was my treat to myself because it's nearly all over and I wanted to give myself as much chance as possible.  It proved to be a brilliant idea.  I can honestly say that I went into a lovely state of mind and when it was over, I had the most amazing feeling of wellbeing for hours afterwards.  I've had acupuncture before, but it had never had that effect.  If you go to Copenhagen Fertilty Centre, book the acupuncture!

I've been back a few days and I'm on 6dpo.  Nothing to report really.  A few twinges and pokes, but, of course that's the progesterone suppositories.  I've chosen to take only 400mg a day because last time it drove me a bit nuts.  This seems more manageable.  I'm not feeling hot, I don't have any sore boobs and I feel OK generally.  Who can tell?  I am seasoned enough at this to know that now is around the time implantation takes place and seasoned enough not to obsess about every perceived sign.  I haven't gone near any two week wait forums and have booked up next week to the max so I don't think about it.  I will test on 9 December, which will be 14 days after the insemination and we will see.  I've taken the day off, prepared for the fall out and distress if it's a negative.

Doing it differently

I am now nearly 5 weeks pregnant and still hoping everything will be ok.  I am trying my hardest not to be Ms. Bloody Doom, but sometimes it's hard.  Trying though.

Now, I said I'd post what I did differently this time.  But before I do, a caveat.  For those of you trying to conceive don't assume that what I did is right, a sure thing or necessarily had any effect.  I spent hours trawling every post I could find looking at stuff like this and actually did drive myself bonkers.  So I don't want anyone else to do the same, although we all know that you will.

Right, here we go...

1. Acupuncture - I had a few sessions with a fertility acupuncturist in the month prior to my insemination.
2. I drank nettle tea at the suggestion of my acupuncturist. I drank it 3 times a day.
3. I ate a lot of organic beetroot.
4. I switched to Pregnacare Conception supplements which have some extra bits and pieces for conceiving.  Can't remember what they are though.  Took them for 28 days before this insemination.
5. I ate tons of Brazil nuts (a packet per day) which contain selenium and this is apparently good for fertility.  But, beware the weight gain.
6. Took a body conditioning class, a Latin Dance class and a dynamic yoga class and went to the gym. A total of 5-6 bouts of exercise per week in the 4 weeks preceding insemination.
7. I relied on my body's ovulation predictions over the pee stick.  Although this was not entirely intentional (see earlier post)!
8. After I left the clinic post insemination, I walked a brisk 30 minutes to my hotel and then had a sleep for 2 hours curled up in the warm, fluffy duvet.  I am convinced that not rushing around to catch a flight was key to the success of this one.  Oh, and I walked for 1 hour plus the next day.  Full on walking.
9. I had a preposterously large glass of wine with my meal the night of my insemination.  I reasoned that the egg was already formed and released and relaxation was absolutely key that evening.
10. And finally - I had kind of given up on the unmedicated cycles, knowing that this would be my last and focused on the consultation at the new clinic I had the day after insemination.  I put my energies into thinking forward to May's insemination and the thought of taking the scary Clomid.  In other words, I didn't think much about that insemination other than that I was going through the motions, paying lip service to cycle number 3.
11. Oh... and I had a month off in March.  A stressful one, but one where I was forced to think about something else.

Here's hoping I make it to week 6.  That seems to be the first danger zone.  For those of you continuing your journey, I wish you all the luck in the world and am crossing everything I can for you.

Anything but a month off

Well, this was supposed to be a stress free month off to build up enough finance for more donor insemination and to try out fertility acupuncture.  I did put away some money and I did try the acupuncture - two sessions so far.  I have no earthly idea whether or not it has worked, or will work, but I'm due another session next week just after my period begins.  It's a weird sensation being a pincushion; I had a strange electric shock like feeling in my right leg, almost as if the nerves were being woken up and a dull ache around the other points. Once the needles were in the sensations calmed down.  My acupuncturist has worked specifically with fertility and had lots of advice to impart - nettle tea, Royal Jelly and Omega 3 were just some of the things she suggested .  If nothing else, it's been informative.  I did feel very relaxed afterwards, however that feeling was soon obliterated thanks to a recall to the Breast Cancer Unit.  A few months ago I experienced pains in my breast and went to my GP who referred me to the hospital.  Best to check it out.  He's a good sort my GP.  That visit resulted in a mammogram and I thought that would be the end of it.  Of course not! I had to go back to check out two masses they'd found.  Cue ultrasound, biopsy and disbelief.  How much bad luck can a person have in two years?  I won't go into detail, but my second trimester miscarriage and relationship breakup were just two of a string of bad things that I experienced, quite literally, one after another.  I must be a reincarnation of somebody really, really evil for this level of bad luck to continue.  A relentless stream of rubbish. It's bloody hard to stay positive and after a while you just get numb.  When the next bad thing occurs you feel nothing, but possibly a bit of 'here we go again'. I can accept it when I've had a hand in my own bad luck, but bereavement, miscarriage and illness kind of get slung at you.  My results will be back this week.  If it's good news I can proceed with insemination number 3.  Or to be more precise I can proceed to round 3 if I ovulate on payday or the day before.  If it's two days before, I'll be going nowhere.  And...if it's not good news I have absolutely no idea what I will do, but it will mean a final goodbye to any baby hopes.

So I wait.  Not really stress free or relaxed now and wondering whether I should just give up.  Friends are popping babies out left, right and centre, all with doting partners in tow.  I am pleased for them, but I fully admit that it makes me feel crap.  I can't help but wonder if, at 43, I am a total lost cause, regular ovulation and good FSH aside.  Surely, the Universe is trying to tell me something.  Something like 'Get over it, you are not going to be a mother and you will be on your own for the rest of your life, short or otherwise.'  Possibly very true.  Then I think about Japan.  I'm not homeless, not freezing to death and not about to be infected by radiation.  So yes, I should get over it.

The blight of PMS

Well, at 7 days past the IUI I started getting sore and swollen boobs and the blighters have got worse and worse.  I'm already a big chested girl; now Jordan looks like an A cup next to me.  I've had cramps and a sort of heaviness in my abdomen, kind of like constipation, but different.   Not very scientific in explanation, I know.  I am not really sure why my unmedicated IUIs are bringing on such extreme PMS symptoms, and so soon.  I normally get mood swings about 7 days before I'm due my period, but sore and swollen breasts and cramps usually only 3-4 days before.  Now it seems that I am suffering for a whole 9-10 days!  Grim.  Still, I suppose it cuts down the two week wait to just one week.  I am feeling so irritable and down that I've taken half a day's leave this afternoon and come home. I must have seemed like a moody witch to my colleagues, who know nothing about what I'm doing.

So,  I'm snuggled on the sofa watching a truly rubbish DVD (The Boat That Rocked - utter trash), I feel swollen in every area and about as pregnant as an old man.  Ah well. Although I have been calmer this time and less obsessive, I took an early pregnancy test 10 days after the IUI to see if the weirdy cramps were a symptom of pregnancy.  I knew damn well they weren't, but I was ever hopeful.  It was, of course, negative.  I now wait for the dreaded flow which is another 4 long days away.  I feel disappointed and hugely irritated that I am swollen, whale like and sore with no reward to be gained at the end of it.

I'm sure everyone going through this experiences something similar.  You can drive yourself crazy.  I have read countless forums and experiences of other women and I don't know if it helps.  Sadly for me, a British woman doing this on my own finances (over 40 and single), I have no support from a gynaecologist or fertility expert to tell me if I'm wasting my cash.  All I have to go on is the tests my GP did for me.  I have an FSH of 7.5, 10 antral follicles, good clear ovaries and an endometrium that's as thin as it's allowed to get before it's pointless.  I am grumpy and feeling very sorry for myself today, wishing I'd not wasted my time in a long relationship that failed so late on in my biological clock, leaving me in this position past 40.

Oh well, spilt milk and all that stiff upper lip stuff.  Time to down another vat of Earl Grey tea.  I'm having March off to replenish my finances and do some acupuncture.  I think I need a month off so that I don't become absolutely deranged!   Here's hoping a few needles, Eastern thinking and some new clothes will make a difference for April.

Round 2

I'm a few days away from ovulation and the next round of IUI.  I'm finding it hard to keep positive and feel a bit low.  Of course, feeling low isn't a great boost for your fertility so am trying to look after myself.  Normally I'd share a glass of red wine with a friend (or a bottle), but of course - no wine!   So I've been trying to eat foods that can help boost the endometrium.  Lots of beetroot, red meat, fish and spinach.  After a bit of research I've also discovered that eating the core of a pineapple, from the first day of the IUI to day five after ovulation, is supposed to help an embryo attach.  God knows why, but pineapple core contains bromelain which apparently is a boost to the uterine lining.  It's worth a try I suppose; after all it doesn't cost a lot and it can't hurt.

I have also turned my thoughts to acupuncture,  a therapy that has had very positive PR for aiding fertility.  It's costly though, especially when you're doing this alone and saving every bit of cash for the actual monthly IUI.  However, I've found  a centre with an acupunturist who specialises in pre-conception and fertility and offers a low cost service for just £25 a session.  We will see if it helps, but I am sure it can only do good.

Armed with some prospects for helping myself, I am thinking ahead now to next week's IUI with more hope.  It is hard doing this alone, there's no question of it, but actually maybe there's something to be said for having the strength to do it alone.  I can imagine that some male partners might find the trial this can impose on a woman hard to grasp.  At least I can't have my expectations of support and understanding dashed!  Here's to keeping the faith...