What I learned this week: Waiting is grim

I'm convinced I have PMS.  I've been through a whole range of symptoms so I no longer trust my judgement.  I'm due to test tomorrow, Day 14 after insemination,  but my period could be due as late as Monday as my cycle is between 24-27 days.  Hmmm. This is the most peculiar kind of torture, which makes me wonder if I have the metal to cope with the two week wait, post insemination, for another 6 months.    Part of me intuitively feels that I'm pregnant and part of me is sure my period is on its way.  The truth is that reading forum after forum, articles and comments on pregnancy sites is a contradictory and insane thing to do.  It drives you nuts in the end.  The only conclusion I can come to is that there isn't one.  You just have to wait.  For the record,  the cramps I had last week have given way to a more familiar kind, but I feel a different sort of fatigue, bloating and indigestion from my usual PMS.  What to make of that?

I will be gutted if I get my period, but like everyone else I will just have to look forward to the next ovulation. It is a little ridiculous to expect it to happen the first time and certainly at my age. Somehow, even though I'm often very cynical about most things, I was very positive about this.  When the stakes are high it seems the mind can play incredible tricks on you. The power of suggestion!

I'm giving myself 6 tries and then I will be forced to draw a line under it.  It's the most sensible time frame given my prospects, my doctor's comments, my age and me.  I know how much I can take.  Perhaps I will spend my next 'two week wait' devising a Plan B for after the 6 months are over.  That way, I will obsess less about every little twinge I'm feeling and think about  life without a biological child as a different path, if not a chosen one.