End game for this month

Ah well, tested today 14 days past ovulation and it's negative.  I can feel a particularly nasty period coming on.  Dragging sensation in my abdomen that's really very pronounced, hot head and incredibly wiped out - way more than usual.  I suppose it's the stress and anxiety of the last few weeks, waiting for ovulation, dashing over to Denmark and then desperately 'listening' to every change in my body for the last two weeks.  I maintain that I did conceive, but am sure that the embryo just did not attach.  However, I've no way of proving it.  I feel worried now because the last two times I became pregnant it was immediate; the first time I had unprotected sex in each case I fell pregnant.  My negativity is shouting 'if it hasn't happened the first time this time, it ain't going to!'  It's also saying 'yeah, they were right about the thin endometrium - give up now and don't waste your money.'  But I will.  'Waste' money that is.  I will keep going until my 6 tries are up because I know I want this.

So, the next step is to pick myself up and focus on the next ovulation date.  I can do that.  It's just a particularly miserable weekend because I'm feeling physically rubbish and it's two days to pay day.  Going to drag myself out for a long walk and then have coffee and cake.  I was going to treat myself to a glass of wine, but I've done so well staying off the alcohol since New Year that it seems silly.  However, I think I need a pick me up and it's a clear eleven days until ovulation.  It looks like I'll come on tomorrow or Monday so I would expect my ovulation on the 9th or 10th of February (almost always on Day 10).  At least this time I won't have to pay the weekend insemination fee.  Silver linings and all that.

I had no idea of the level of mental energy involved in this. I wish every woman going through this the stamina to keep it up.  For me the days leading up to my next ovulation will consist of pilates, the gym, lots of good foods and a steely resolve.  I will try my hardest not to be so obsessed next time.  No doubt the surge of adrenalin this last month has probably done nothing to help.