The Denmark Dash

Ok, so it couldn't get any more stressful.  My calculations about ovulating on Day 12 as my cycle was longer?  Wrong.  I started testing on Day 9 in the morning and it was positive.  What the hell? What is going on?  I hadn't tested on Day 8 so I had no idea if this was the first surge.  I rang Copenhagen Fertility Centre, which I will now call CFC, and they advised me that I should come on Day 10, the next day.  However, I looked at the cost of flights and that wasn't going to happen.  So the clinic agreed I could come that afternoon.  Cue mental booking of outrageously priced flights going from Gatwick and coming back to Stansted, phoning work and taking an emergency day's leave and getting my butt to the airport for 12pm.  Stressed, moi? 

I don't know - I wasn't having ovulation pains, but I was hot as usual and the other signs were there.  Something, however, didn't feel quite right.  It was just too early and even if it wasn't a false positive result I really shouldn't be having an IUI until the day after.  I could virtually see £750 burning in front of my eyes, but still I went.  I must be desperate.

So, how was my first experience of CFC?  Mental, that's what.  I arrived at 17.35 Copenhagen time and as I walked into the deserted clinic it dawned on me that they had kept it open for me.  Oops, how bad did I feel?  Quite.  The lovely nurse whipped me into a clinical room with a surgical bed that sported leg stirrups.  It couldn't be more different from Stork Klinik.  Then the doctor appeared.  Friendly, but curt.  He got me on the bed and before I knew it he was in there with metal contraption and the catheter in less than 1 minute and boy did it hurt.  I kept telling myself that it was £150 cheaper than Stork.  I signed a release form and a donor form telling me I had just been inseminated with sperm from a blond, blue eyed donor of 182cm height.  Ok...The thing is I took a chance coming on the same day as a positive result because CFC includes an ultrasound to check whether you really are about to ovulate.  I thought that if it was a false positive they would say and I would save 2300DK (£275)  I didn't get this however.  I figure this is because they were slightly pissed at keeping the clinic open for several hours just for me and I wasn't using medication.  However, it may have been because you are supposed to book this in advance.  It wasn't clear. I left feeling unsettled and tearful afterwards.  I was back on the street immediately.  No lying down chill out for 30 mins here.  I took myself into town and sat in a bar on the harbour and ordered a red wine.  I began to relax.  Next time, I thought I would not come on the same day and I would bloody well stay the night.  I'm going to take Clomid next time so I need some help about how this will work, given that my ovulation is now all over the place after the miscarriage.  I will bombard them with questions and I might even do a dry run in August.  Take the meds, put the money aside and clock when I ovulate, but not go.  It will make me feel a little more in control.  CFC are very professional, don't get  me wrong, and very clinical, but it's a little bit of a nightmare trying to figure out if I was supposed to book an ultrasound, if I was supposed to only come in the morning etc. etc.   They seem to rush you in everything they do and it's difficult to figure out what the process is. This is the price you pay for doing it overseas.

Getting on the train from Stansted back to London at well past 23.00 I was bone deep exhausted and vowed I would never do The Dash in one day again.  Flights in the summer are just too expensive, so I guess I will have to accept that and do one in September and my last try in October.

How do I feel now?  Well I have stopped having cramps and I am not exhausted anymore, so all has returned to normal.  God knows how long I will have to wait for my period.  32 days? 28 days?  As someone who has been absolutely regular with my cycles and my ovulation, I'm finding this a nightmare.  I haven't even bothered buying a pregnancy test.  I may as well just sit it out for my period to start because I've no chance of my egg having met that sperm this time.  2 days after my IUI I was really hot and crampy and I think that was when I was ovulating.  I wasn't very well on Day 9 early morning so maybe that's why I got a false positive on the ovulation test.  I'll never know, but I do feel a bit of a muppet for wasting all that money and putting myself through that kind of stress.

The things we do...

And now for the science bit

It has been some time since my last blog.  All quiet on the western front while I waited for cycle number 2 post miscarriage.  I reasoned 26-28 days, but no...32 days.  So I would hazard a guess to say that ovulation will commence later again, say Day 12.  Financially it would be fantastic if it were Day 13 so I'm not flying at the weekend and paying exorbitant prices.  I will say this, if you're living in the UK and about to do the Denmark Dash, start in the winter months - it's so much cheaper.  In the meantime, yet more tests and some strange news.

My GP was not satisfied with everything after I continued to complain of fatigue and being wiped out. So liver, kidney, thyroid were all rechecked and all normal, thankfully.  FSH down to 6.2 and Estrogen normal, which has got to be good too.  Now, I have little knowledge of Androgen, but apparently there was a bit of a 'concern' in that department.  The fertility specialist at the GP practice, Dr. M, tried to explain that my level was a little low and this could be a problem sometimes. I don't appear to be producing enough of the stuff that attracts testosterone to it and stops you from having too much. However, as my actual testosterone level is low too, there is nothing to worry about.  So not a man then.  My chin may be doubling, but no beard it seems.  I am not yet hirsute.  Thank. God.  The spreading middle is quite enough.

Nothing else to report really.  Just hanging on in there and hoping for the best.  Slightly apprehensive as to whether I will be able to afford this round and PMS symptoms becoming truly unbearable, but as I have no thyroid problem, no iron deficiency or any other ailment, I have accepted that this is just peri-menopause in all its glory.  Fabulous.

On the up side I will share with you three stories of women past 40 who have been successful.  We all need a bit of a boost sometimes, I say.  So... a woman of 46 who conceived naturally with her partner and had a healthy boy.  That's success story number one.  Number two, a  44 year old woman successful after donor insemination and a bout of Clomid, now 5 months pregnant. And number three, a 43 year old just pregnant with donor sperm and no fertility drugs.  Keep the faith and a full dose of folic acid.

Next post will be sooner rather than later.  I expect to fly between the 15 -18 July for, what will be Round 4 and over half way to my allotted 6 goes.  It's a lottery, but a damn sight more expensive!