The strangest thing in the world is discussing your most intimate details with a perfect stranger in a foreign country, but that's what comes with a consultation about donor inesmination via telephone in Denmark. On December 29th I offered up statistics about me that not even my ex boyfriend knows. Come to think of it nor did I know these facts before I actively pursued this. When I examine American sites or posts relating to fertility and pregnancy it is clear to me that women over the pond know what's behind every fertility related abbreviation including facts, figures and what they all mean. I put it down to the fact that we do not have gynaecologists here. You go to your GP and you can get referred to one, but if it's a pregnancy you're after before you've found a problem, you have no chance of getting access to a gynae. Unless of course you pay through the nose for it privately. So, you will understand that this process has made be into a virtual expert. I can now post on an American forum and know what I'm talking about. I know that you need to get an FSH (hormone level ) under 10 to be in with a chance. Mine came out at 7. Phew. You need all your blood tests to get the go ahead for insemination - Hep A, Hep B, Hep C, HIV, Chlamydia and often some clinics ask for more than this. You also need to know that, here in the UK, a Hep B test will usually only be a surface antigen test and you will need the ANTI-HBc test for core antigens too. This caused me more stress, so if you're going ahead check that your doctor asks for both. You need to get all these off to the clinic well before your consultation and first insemination. Get your doctor to do every test he can to determine your fertility and get an ultrasound. You will need to know how thick your endometrium is and whether your fallopian tubes are ok.
So to the telephone consultation. It's pretty simple really. After the medical and health questions there are lifestyle, food and habit checks. Are you eating plenty of fish, veg etc. and have you quit the booze? With a reduction of 33% in fertility if you drink, yes, I've quit the booze. And by the way, if you're a smoker that's a 55% reduction in fertility, so do the maths if you do both. This is your chance to ask all the questions you want, so use it. For me it was more about the ovulation tests and when to book flights. This seemed the stressful part. However, don't stress. The Danish midwives at the clinic I used, Stork Klinik, are very easy to talk to, speak exceptionally good English and don't consider any question too stupid. This is good, if you're like me and alert to everything that could go wrong. Even at just £500 a pop, it's a stretch for me, so I do not want to be penniless for months without a proper stab at this.
Consultation over - now I wait for ovulation. I'm expecting it on January 14th. The next time I blog, I should have had my 'shot' of Denmark's best.
Copenhagen January 2011
A cold November in Copenhagen...
Sunday, 16 January 2011
Thursday, 30 December 2010
Donor insemination and the single girl in the UK - A reality check!
Step One - The Decision to Go It Alone
You've done your research (American based blogs, forums and websites), read books from women who've done it already (all American it seems) and you've reached a decision to proceed. Bravo! I'm with you, I'm doing it too. However, you'll quickly realise, if you live in the UK, it's after this incredibly difficult decision that it all becomes very, very complicated. Let me explain. There are three things I learned about choosing single motherhood in the UK; forget it, find a man or be loaded.
Step two - The NHS
The UK is not a great place for single women looking to be mothers. Firstly, there is the question of the NHS. The rule here is that if you're single, over 39 and female you will not be treated with donor insemination. I think I'm right in saying that even if you're under 39 this is true, although you may be eligible for IVF as long as you have a known sperm donor e.g. husband, partner or someone willing. Save yourself lots of heartache and don't go through the rigmarole of trying. Although I'm told that attitudes are changing, it will be a long time yet before these changes reach the NHS and single woman over 39 will be given any kind of fertility treatment on the NHS. The HFEA is the body that regulates donor insemination and clinics must consider the 'father's role' in the treatment. In essence, although it is not quite put this way, the underlying tone is that if you're single, morally, the NHS cannot treat you.
Step Three - Private Clinics
So to the next step. I looked into private clinics. The good news is that there are a fair few private clinics that will treat you as a single women, and if you're over 40. The London Women's Clinic is amongst these - it gets a good rap - and there are many outside London too. The bad news is that women will have to stump up cash to the tune of £1,800 + per cycle. Yes, that's PER cycle. I don't know about you, but as a woman on a normal salary (and mine is by no means bad) this is just not a possibility. If you're in a couple it is probably about do-able, but on your own? Doubtful, very, very doubtful. So, what next?
Step Four - That Ex and My Gay Mate
Well, you can always see if that ex you're still friendly with is up for the challenge of co-parenting, but first think about the reality of this. A good book that outlines the pitfalls of this is 'Knock Yourself Up' by Louise Sloan. Yes, it's American so some parts just don't apply to us in the UK, but she does have very valid points to make about this consideration. I did have an offer, but we both knew it was a fantasy. Reality bites; none harder than tying yourself to someone with slightly different views on life from you. Think about it. The same applies to your gay friend. For some people it really works out and it is important above all else to have a father, albeit one that doesn't quite fit. This is something you really need to think seriously about. I did and I decided it was a NO. So now what?
Step Five - The Future is Danish
I did my research and Spain seemed a pretty good bet. It's the place the GP's recommend and it isn't prohibitively expensive. I even booked a consultation with a clinic in Barcelona at the Fertility Fair in Earl's Court. Except for one thing...donor insemination without fertility treatment, or rather with a natural cycle, seems out of the question for women over 40. That's the message I got - you can't use your own eggs after 40. Having been pregnant at 41 with one try and once at 25, again with one try, (long story as to why neither went to term - one for another blog) I had my bloods done by my GP to see if I was still a viable prospect for natural cycle insemination. The results? Good hormones, good level of potential fertility, good tubes etc etc. No need for Clomid. OK then, so which country will inseminate me without fertility 'extras'? The answer is Denmark. Several good clinics that treat single women and lesbians exist there. Simple, inexpensive, compassionate and run my midwives who understand a thing or two about women. And you get to go to Copenhagen. I picked a clinic - I chose Stork Klinik- sent off my 'tests' proving I was clean of all the usual nasties and bingo! A consultation after 3 weeks with an insemination booked for the next ovulation and a fee of £470 for one anonymous shot of Danish sperm. Simple. Or is it...
Next blog will talk you through my consultation and what to expect.
Till then.
You've done your research (American based blogs, forums and websites), read books from women who've done it already (all American it seems) and you've reached a decision to proceed. Bravo! I'm with you, I'm doing it too. However, you'll quickly realise, if you live in the UK, it's after this incredibly difficult decision that it all becomes very, very complicated. Let me explain. There are three things I learned about choosing single motherhood in the UK; forget it, find a man or be loaded.
Step two - The NHS
The UK is not a great place for single women looking to be mothers. Firstly, there is the question of the NHS. The rule here is that if you're single, over 39 and female you will not be treated with donor insemination. I think I'm right in saying that even if you're under 39 this is true, although you may be eligible for IVF as long as you have a known sperm donor e.g. husband, partner or someone willing. Save yourself lots of heartache and don't go through the rigmarole of trying. Although I'm told that attitudes are changing, it will be a long time yet before these changes reach the NHS and single woman over 39 will be given any kind of fertility treatment on the NHS. The HFEA is the body that regulates donor insemination and clinics must consider the 'father's role' in the treatment. In essence, although it is not quite put this way, the underlying tone is that if you're single, morally, the NHS cannot treat you.
Step Three - Private Clinics
So to the next step. I looked into private clinics. The good news is that there are a fair few private clinics that will treat you as a single women, and if you're over 40. The London Women's Clinic is amongst these - it gets a good rap - and there are many outside London too. The bad news is that women will have to stump up cash to the tune of £1,800 + per cycle. Yes, that's PER cycle. I don't know about you, but as a woman on a normal salary (and mine is by no means bad) this is just not a possibility. If you're in a couple it is probably about do-able, but on your own? Doubtful, very, very doubtful. So, what next?
Step Four - That Ex and My Gay Mate
Well, you can always see if that ex you're still friendly with is up for the challenge of co-parenting, but first think about the reality of this. A good book that outlines the pitfalls of this is 'Knock Yourself Up' by Louise Sloan. Yes, it's American so some parts just don't apply to us in the UK, but she does have very valid points to make about this consideration. I did have an offer, but we both knew it was a fantasy. Reality bites; none harder than tying yourself to someone with slightly different views on life from you. Think about it. The same applies to your gay friend. For some people it really works out and it is important above all else to have a father, albeit one that doesn't quite fit. This is something you really need to think seriously about. I did and I decided it was a NO. So now what?
Step Five - The Future is Danish
I did my research and Spain seemed a pretty good bet. It's the place the GP's recommend and it isn't prohibitively expensive. I even booked a consultation with a clinic in Barcelona at the Fertility Fair in Earl's Court. Except for one thing...donor insemination without fertility treatment, or rather with a natural cycle, seems out of the question for women over 40. That's the message I got - you can't use your own eggs after 40. Having been pregnant at 41 with one try and once at 25, again with one try, (long story as to why neither went to term - one for another blog) I had my bloods done by my GP to see if I was still a viable prospect for natural cycle insemination. The results? Good hormones, good level of potential fertility, good tubes etc etc. No need for Clomid. OK then, so which country will inseminate me without fertility 'extras'? The answer is Denmark. Several good clinics that treat single women and lesbians exist there. Simple, inexpensive, compassionate and run my midwives who understand a thing or two about women. And you get to go to Copenhagen. I picked a clinic - I chose Stork Klinik- sent off my 'tests' proving I was clean of all the usual nasties and bingo! A consultation after 3 weeks with an insemination booked for the next ovulation and a fee of £470 for one anonymous shot of Danish sperm. Simple. Or is it...
Next blog will talk you through my consultation and what to expect.
Till then.
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